my car hates me...

I know it's been a little while since my last little post, but I've been busy driving my car from Atlanta to Tennessee back to Atlanta then to Jasper, AL to Atlanta to Charlotte and once again back to Atlanta. All in one week. Needless to say I will not be going on any road trips in the near future. (unless its to the beach...even I have limits).
Now, on to Jasper. I'm going to go ahead an apologize if anyone I know is from this town or knows people from this town. But seriously. The things I saw I just can't begin to even make up. Exhibit A: I'm sitting in the lobby enjoying my third vanilla latte (double shot) of the day and see this snaggle-toothed woman with ridiculously short shorts and a rather colorful t-shirt. Me being me, I decide to see what exactly is so important that she would want to broadcast it on her t-shirt (obviously homemade). Word-for-word "Southern Belles love them some Country Boys." huh? what? why? why? why? I mean if you're going to make a statement like that can we at least use correct grammar? Of course not. So this little treasure (side note, she had on high topped white shoes with stickers from the University of Alabama on them, not embroidered....stickers) decides she wants a beverage from the vending machine. She removes a wrinkled dollar bill from her bra and inserts it into the machine which promptly spits it back out at her at least 5 times. She starts to get visibly angry and punches the machine while yelling something along the lines of "gawwwd durnit gimme a friggin' mowtan deeeewwwww you friggin' piece of..." At this point, I'm too annoyed by the fact that my phone had NO service to really grasp the amazingness I was witnessing or to document it via iPhone pictures like I usually do, so my apologies. After she tries another few dollar bills with no luck she reaches down in her sock and pulls out a few quarters..OF COURSE. Why didn't I think of that? As the machine starts to dispense her drink of choice she's visibly sweating and angry about the ordeal when all of a sudden she finds herself in possession of a DIET Mountain Dew, not a regular. You would think someone had kicked her cat. She continues to slap the machine and took the time to scribble down the complaint hotline number all the while cursing with such anger that spit is flying everywhere. (where she got that pen, I don't even want to know).

I was also lucky enough to witness one of those Jesus's face in a grilled cheese sort of things. There's a door in the hospital with some plexi-glass over it that I walked past several times during the day but never stopped to look at. Later in the afternoon it caught my eye and I was fascinated by the story. A man's son was in critical condition and he was staring at this door when he realized he saw a face staring back at him which gave him hope his son would be okay and his son was hoooorayyyyyyyyy. Enough people must have thought it was the face of Jesus because its now covered in plexi-glass and has a plaque next to it explaining the story. The picture is below, you be the judge.

mayyyyyyyyyyy

wow, seriously. I can't believe it's already May 2. You might say, well, who cares, yesterday was the 1st, tomorrow is the 3rd, let's sign you up for a Nobel Peace Prize. After I looked at you with a scowl, I'd oh-so-pleasantly inform you that I have exactly 4 more months of being 25. WTF. When the hell did I get so old? This past year has been a big one for me, I bought a house, and I'm bound and determined to get that Benz...riiiiiiiiight (or Volvo SUV, go ahead and insert mom car jokes here). But STILL. I feel like the past 3 plus years since I've graduated college have flown by. Probably because I spent the first 2 years working and traveling all over the place....when and if I ever write my first novel based on the ridiculousness I've seen those travels and experiences will probably have at least 2 chapters dedicated to it. The most interesting place I went to was a town called Scottsbluff, Nebraska.


When my boss told me I was going to start traveling out there I looked at him and literally asked if he just threw a dart at a map. I'll never forget the first time I drove up...I just remember thinking you must be kidding me. There was nothing but a few grocery stores, a YMCA, your standard fast food places, a movie theater (in which I sat by myself and watched the first Sex and the City movie...well, actually me and 2 women over 70 were the only souls there, but they left about 20 minutes in and gave me a dirty look when I didn't follow in their footsteps, I'm also pretty sure they pulled that from the theatre after the first week... but anyway). There was also a mall with a cowboy apparel outlet in it. Did I purchase a snazzy pair of authentic cowboy boots that I LOVE? yes, and don't judge me. They offered to throw in a lasso but I didn't see any need for that. I thought they were kidding, so they weren't amused by my howls of laughter when I imagined myself with a lasso. That wasn't my only run-in with locals out there. I remember being at the neighborhood bar (also known as Applebee's) and arguing with two 19 year olds about the south. Yes, the girl who was born in Connecticut and despised everything Southern (Chick-fil-A I'm so sorry) for the first 5 years or so after we moved down here was getting PISSED at two hoodlums who had no idea about anything they were talking about. They were genuinely shocked when I told them Atlanta had running water and electricity. (I'm sorry dude, do you see the cowpasture you live in?) Now, I say that I "told" them, but after a few cocktails it was more like a sarcastic shout with lots of eye rolling and annoyed sighs. Before this sounds like I was sitting at an Applebee's bar in Nebraska by myself I'd like to mention that I was out there with a sales rep who was also from the south but was oblivious to the entire conversation and much more interested in checking the Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiide's score. I think I made the townies feel bad because they offered to buy me a "Red Beer" which is something I think is native to Nebraska since I've never heard of in anywhere else. Basically it's a beer of your choice with tomato juice. Just as delicious as you'd imagine.
All in all I figure I ended up spending about 8 months in that place, but I'll never forget it. The people were some of the nicest and most easy going I've ever met. After me being the new shiny object in town wore off they invited me into their homes and their lives and I'll never forget it. It was probably one of the only things that kept me sane. I had the BEST steak I've ever had in my life out there and my eyes were opened to a slower and less stressful way of life. I tried to take a piece of that with me. I almost feel like I need a trip back out there to remind myself to slow down a bit. You know you have a problem when you're yelling and flailing around when the driver in front of you is puttering in the left lane and you think it's the end of the world. Calm down Danica Patrick, you'll get there in time.